Low on Confidence High on Dreams

"The girl who came like a breeze and walked away like a storm. The girl who changed the destiny of this school. Here is she, the name is Saumya Srivastava. Please give her a big round of applause." As soon I heard this, I felt like I was on the top of the world. Tears of joy excitingly dropped off my eyes. The Chief Guest along with the principal gave me their blessings. Suddenly I heard a loud, shrieking, irritating voice. I searched for it. It was followed by a pat on my face. That's when the reality faced me. The voice was that of the alarm and pat that of mom.
The dream, oh, it was a dream. Welcome to the REAL world.

Booming with confidence was always like a dream for me, the dreams. A dream which I long for. The thing most desirable to me. The thing which was always a dream and will always remain a dream.


The lack of confidence slowly slowly took away all the nectar from my life. The cause of my low confidence is may be the upbringing. The restrictions put on me whether it was during childhood or adulthood had its adverse effect on my mind which is now showing up in devilish form.
Everything I want to do has this devil as its hurdle. My mind in one corner says 'do it' while my other mind says 'what if you goof-up, could you bear.' The fear of goofing-up is taking me to hell.
The present state is such that even if I do something right, my low-confidence makes it all a mess.

"Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or that you are a worthless person."

This disease has given birth to all new diseases. The feeling of complex when seeing others(even the ones most close), hurting yourself out of frustration, etc. The count is countless. Even the other minor diseases are seemed to be magnified in yourself when you are low. Sometimes I feel as if I am that 'Tare Zameen Par' boy.
The field is something else but stuck in here.

People try to pacify you with their impractical words unknowingly that you are the only one who can ruin or enhance yourself. Nothing lies in others hand. You are the one responsible for your state as long as you are in your senses. 'Attitude is the word'.

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right.  ~Henry Ford


These days I feel so suicidal. The low-confidence plus the failures upon failures is sucking. The want to excel has led to frustration. The lack of satisfaction is killing. This juice-less life has left nothing for me. I am in need of that one miracle in my life which can bring me back on the track.

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